December 27, 2009

so this is our christmas tree. it is kinda fuzzy but it shows the lights the best out of all the pictures i tried to take. i got a new camera for christmas. that is probably the best thing i got this year but that is ok because i don't really  need anything. anyway the things i really want are too big to be christmas presents. i got a couple of gift cards. i got harry potter and the half blood prince and the new backstreet boys cd. i hope everyone had a good christmas!

December 17, 2009

Mac Pro

so every once in a while i will go on the apple website and build an imac or macbook or something and see how much it would cost and what they have added and stuff. i had never looked at their mac pro which is their big desktop computer. so i decided to look at it and see what it would be like to build a customized one. it has 4 hard drive bays and you can have up to a 2 TB hard drive in each one. that means 8 TB total!! that would last you a long time! i was so amazed. it could also have a 32 GB memory card! to have the best of this computer would make it over $10,000!!!! wow i sound like a geek but wow! i wish i had the money to buy something like that but that is like buying a car! i think i will just get the regular imac. :) now the ipod nanos have cameras in them! i am a little jealous but i just bought a new ipod classic this summer so i am not ready to trade it in right now. but i am ready to trade in my computer. i have had it with the one i have. it does so many weird things and never does exactly what i want it to do. does anyone else go and build their favorite computers? i do the same thing with my favorite cars.

December 15, 2009

wow. today i was fired. i think that is the shortest time someone has worked anywhere. i think i lasted 3 weeks. unless you count the girl that trained with me that never showed up after that day. maybe she had the right idea. oh well more time spend with my family because i think i was suppose to work next week. now instant vacation again! and on again the job search/soul search/ where is my future search. at least i like the weather. hopefully i have a good christmas. i don't deserve anything at all but hopefully i will be surprised.

November 20, 2009

so my parents are coming home tomorrow from their vacation for their anniversary. i am glad they are coming home because it has been kinda lonely here with just me and the dog. but at least i get to do whatever i want to do without anyone critizing me or being disappointed or anything. i have already gotten my christmas cards all ready to go! a little early but i had the time. i sent out my thanksgiving cards at the begining of the week. if anyone else wants a card from me, please tell me by monday. monday is the last day i can send out thanksgiving cards so that it gets to you before thanksgiving. also if you want a christmas card tell me!
i actually sold 2 things on e-bay this week! i am happy because it has been a while since i have sold anything and i am glad to finally get rid of some more things. i don't make much though. just enough to spend on other things on ebay. i generally buy things that i can't get here like Dear Canada books and My Story books. they are kinda like the dear america series except dear canada is for canada and my story is for the uk. there is also a series called my story for australia but they are pretty expensive because of the shipping from australia. so i don't have any of those yet but i have a lot of the dear canada i think about half and a few of the my story for the uk.
this week i also got a box full of yummy chocolate and brownies from my very best friend! i was soooo surprised! i love surprises. :) thank you!!
last week i had a job interview. i thought that it had gone well and the person that interviewed me seemed kinda impressed with what i had told him and all and i left with a good feeling. i had even sent them a thank you note (handwritten!) and i haven't heard back from them yet. how long would it take for them to get back with me? he said he had interview through tuesday and now it is friday. do you think he would have called by now if i was going to get a second interview? i guess i am getting nervous and i am having a feeling that i if i don't hear soon i probably won't get this one either. this is so frustrating. this was a job that i actually think i would like too. i guess i should seriously start thinking about going back to school even though i am not sure what i want to do anymore. a lot of the things i am interested in i have no talent in. it is sooo unfair. i sound like a brat.......i am so ashamed of myself and so disappointed. how can someone feel so many different feelings?

November 15, 2009

so i am not sure i have ever told anyone this and i feel like talking about it to someone but i don't know who so i guess that is kinda why i have a blog is to admit things and talk about things. i have always wanted to be a singer but i never thought i was that great so i guess that is why i never joined choir and only sing when no one is around. i also want to learn how to play the guitar. but i am saving money for a nice one. i am not sure why i am admiting this. maybe because i am not sure anyone actually reads this. maybe there is someone out there that can talk to me about it or whatever. i don't know. i feel stupid for writting this. but also good. i am so all over the place right? no wonder i haven't accomplish anything by now

November 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

so today is suppose to be unlucky. but for me it has been lucky. i first got $5 from a scratch off and then i had a very good interview that i think will hopefully turn into a job. this was the best interview i have ever had. maybe i could win the lottery and it would be a perfect day. usually i am unlucky so maybe on a day that is suppose to be unlucky i will be the opposite and be lucky. just a wish! i probably won't win the lottery. but i sure wish i could.

November 11, 2009

so i was looking at the post where i put up my new years resolutions. some of them have gone well and some haven't. here is the post with my resolutions. tell me your opinion on how you think i did on them.
  1. my first resolution was to get a job or get into graduate school. well i have applied for all kinds of jobs and had a few interviews but no jobs. and i have been looking into graduate school but i have no idea what i want to do so i have done nothing towards that
  2. lose weight. that will still be on my resolution list next year. i lost 10 pounds so far this year but i need to lose a lot more but it is a start. at least i didn't gain weight like i did last year.
  3. Yeah! i actually completed a resolution. i finished scanning pictures! but last weekend we found some more pictures that really old. my mom is worried that they will tear if we try to take them out of the photo albums so i don't know if i will get to scan them or not. anyway some of them are duplicates of some i have already scanned so it isn't too big of a deal. but i scanned like 3000 pictures this year so as far as i am concerned this resolution is finished!
  4. it has not moved since i made the resolution. i haven't been able to find a lot of our home videos and my computer still freezes up when i try to edit and put them onto dvds so i think this will have to be on my resolution list for next year too.
  5. well i did get a wii and i am walking more so this resolution is still going ok but i still should go to the gym more. and i would like to get more of the wii games that help you be more active.
  6. i did travel once this year! i went to new york this summer for my cousin's graduation party and we went to new york city too so it was a lot of fun. i got to see the statue of liberty and i got to go on my first taxi ride and train ride and we went to central park and all kinds of stuff. it was fun. but i still want to go to the UK and take a big road trip and visit every single state. so i am part way there on this resolution.
oh! and i have my first follower! hi!! i didn't think anyone would follow me when i put that on there but i am glad i did! :)
next week i am going to be sending out thanksgiving cards. if you want to get a card from me, please comment with your address by the end of next week. i like sending out cards. i love thanksgiving and christmas. we have been going through our house and doing a massive cleanout/organization. we went through our closet that has all the sheets and blankets and stuff. that closet has been collecting all kinds of things for the past 20 years ever since we moved into the house. we got rid of half the things in there. we had all kinds of mismatch sheets and things with stains and all so those we got rid of and the sheets we won't use ever again. so that is probably the only area that we have had total success in but we are slowly working on the rest of the house. for me i just wish i had more bookcases to put my books up in. every once in a while i go through my books and take some to half price books and some i try to sell online. selling online hasn't gone very well recently. august and september were great selling months for me but october and november haven't gone too well. plenty of people seem to be interested but no one buys.

November 08, 2009

i guess my blog must be pretty boring because not many people visit or comment or anything. i guess i shouldn't complain about commenting because i don't comment very much myself. but since there is really only a few blogs out there that i read, i am not sure if i would comment a lot anyway. anyway i don't want to appear stalkerish either. so what can i do to make this blog more exciting? if you guys comment with questions, i could answer them or suggestions for topics that i could blog about or something that you would like to see in a blog. would anyone be interested in seeing reviews about books i read? since i read a lot that is something i could really do a lot of.

November 05, 2009

i am never sure if anyone actually reads this blog. but i guess people do because my visit counter says that i have had over 11,000 visits to my blog. i guess no one comments. i totally understand because i only occasionally comment on people's blogs but there are some blogs i look at every day to see if they have been updated. if your blog isn't on my links colum to the right i probably don't read your blog because i don't know it. sorry. today i went to barnes and nobles to get my fix on gossip girl, the clique, private, and the it girls series. yea! no wonder i have too many books in my room and am frequently told that my room is a fire hazard. i guess it is because i know i have at least 1000 books in my room. someday when i get my own house, i am going to have a room just for all my books. i guess like a mini library. which i probably would combine with my office if i need one. i don't know about the office part since i don't have a job yet but i might need one. today i also went to check out the youth building at church because last time i was there they were building classrooms in the old church. it looked neat. they had also put up the art work i helped put together. it was neat to see it hanging up on the wall.

November 04, 2009

so amazon is having 10 weeks of sweepstakes for its 10 year anniversary. last weeks prize was 10 kindles plus accessories. i am sooooo jealous of the person that one that week. the week before that was to go see the jonas brothers in concert in london which would have been so awesome to win too. i never win anything. so have you guys been watching what has been going on with lindsay lohan? every day recently i have seen new things on her. between her being in court late and out of it to her weird father saying she needs help so much but she won't listen to anyone. i wish i could go and straighten her out. i loved her when she was young and she has soooo much talent. she is just wasting away on alcohol and drugs. they say she will be the next health ledger. she has too much talent to die young. if anyone knows her and you are reading this, tell her allison says that i want to support her and help her and be a true friend unlike most of the celebrities out there that probably just make things worse instead of better.

November 03, 2009

so what do you guys think of the new look? did anyone notice the new look? so it is finally november! november and december are my favorite months. i like the cooler weather and they have my favorite holidays! i love thanksgiving and christmas! all the food, music, parades, and family time! does anyone want to be on my card list? i will send you a card if you want. if you want to send me a card, my address is already on a previous post i think in june or july. i still haven't gotten a job yet. :( i am thinking about going back to school and i have thought about a couple of different degrees that i am interested and i am looking into where i can get them and what it is like in those programs. i am not sure if i can get things in gear before classes start in january but maybe i can get things moving before next summer. i wish i had really paid attention to what i wanted to do during high school. i think i would have done things totally different. there are so many things i could have done differently. i am sooo lame. today is election day. i am going to go vote later after the morning rush.

October 22, 2009

i know i don't post much here anymore. not much is going on. i have been reading a lot this year. i can tell you what books i have been reading if you want to know. i have been selling a lot (a lot in my opinion. may not actually be a lot in other people's opinion) on ebay and amazon. so i spend lots of time cleaning out my room and i find things that i think might sell well on ebay. it is kinda interesting that the items i think will sell right away don't and the ones that i think won't sell but want to try sell in the first week. kinda weird. like i sold a vest i wore only once and it was gone in a week and i sold a flannel nightgown that i never wore and it was gone in a week too. i never thought they would sell but i didn't want them anymore so i thought i would try and they are gone! i put 2 bath brushes on an ebay listing and they were bid on in the first day! i was soooo surprised. and more people are interested in it so it will be interesting to see what the final sale price will be. so i have yahoo messanger just in case someone might want to IM me and told you guys about getting a po box and trying to get penpals right? anyway i signed up on this penpal website to try to get penpals from all over the world. i got some cool ones like someone from poland and australia. i got a couple of cool ones from here in the usa plus one from here that i think is a little weird but she is ok. but then there are all the prisoners that write to me. from what i have found out i think the penpal website has sold my name and po box address to a agency that sells lists of peoples names and address to prisoners. some of them seem ok and others are weird. i am not sure i should write them......what do you guys think? and then there are the weird people from africa that e-mail me (they put our e-mail addresses on the penpal website too even thought i don't want e-mail penpals) that say they love me and want to marry me! it is soooooooooooooooooooo creepy. no matter what i tell them they keep saying i love you marry me! and some guy from africa says please send me money and of course i tell him no especially since i am as just as poor as he is because i still have no job! and if i don't e-mail them back they IM me and if i don't respond to one they go back to the e-mails. very annoying. and they all want pictures which i don't give out because i know they are all crazy and i think they would all hunt me down and do something horrible to me so i don't give it out. anyway i hate how i look so i don't have any pictures of me anyway so it all works out. and all the people that instant message me also want my phone number so they can call when they get on and i am like heck no! it would make it so that i got people calling me in the middle of the night and crazy stalking calls if i don't respond and all that. so there has been good and bad things from the penpal search.

September 08, 2009

i know i haven't been here in a long time. i am not sure anyone really reads this anymore. so i guess sometimes i don't feel like posting if no one is going to read it. this summer has been weird. some things have happened and weird feelings have been around and i don't know how people would take it and i sometimes aren't comfortable talking about it. but then i do want to talk about it and i don't know who to talk about it with. i never am the person that people come talk to their problems with and so i guess i am not sure i can get my feelings out there either. so i guess i have been just keeping things to myself and things happen that i don't really want to happen and i wish i could just tell people things and not made to feel stupid when i say them.

June 06, 2009


so last week i had someone bid on an item that i had on ebay and win it. so i sent several invoices and tried to communicate with the bidder. so after a week, i opened an upaid item case with ebay. the bidder all of a sudden said why am i getting this? i said because you won an item and haven't paid for it yet. they said they didn't want it and didn't think that they had bid on it. well guess what you did and if you didn't want it why did you bid on it in the first place? and i asked why they didn't say anything when they got the first invoice? they gave some lame excuse. thanks for wasting my time. i hate people that waste my time on ebay. i have had a lot of scammers bid on my items and i haven't been selling that long on ebay. oh well. selling on ebay gives me money. not a lot but some so i can bid on stuff too. i still don't know what to do with my old ipod. any ideas?
does anyone actually read this anymore? just wondering.

June 04, 2009


i am so surprised at some of the stuff that people will buy on ebay. i listed a whole bunch of magazines that i didn't want anymore on there and about half of them were bid on! i was surprised anyone was interested!
so like 2 weeks ago i got a new 120gb ipod. so i listed my old ipod on ebay. well the bidding got up to $100 and then i go and drop the ipod while i was getting it ready to ship and the stupid screen cracked! out of all the times that i dropped the thing it had to choose that time to actually break! it made me soooooo mad. so then i had to go tell the buyer that it had a cracked screen but it still worked and that he didn't have to pay for it if he didn't want to. now i have no idea what to do with the thing. i guess i can relist it with a cracked screen but i don't know if anyone would want to actually buy it now. i think the world hates me.
i got my own post office box today. i figured that i need to have it so that i won't be giving out my home address to all these people that i sell items too. mostly for a privacy. now i am looking for people to actually write to me there. anyone looking for a penpal? or you can just send me card there or whatever. i would be happy with anything! just comment with your email if you want to know the address.

April 25, 2009

my birthday..

so yesterday was my birthday. so i am now 23. nothing fun about it really. i did almost nothing at all. i read a book. we went to outback and i had 2 strawberry daquires. i got a couple of cards and some books (thanks robin! :) ) anyway that pretty much sums up my day. not a bad day but i always think that maybe something surprising will happen. for some reason i have always wanted a surprise party. i don't know why.
so i have to figure out what i want to do with my life. i have no idea what i want to do. like if i went back to school what do i want to do there? or what kind of job do i want to do? uugghhh i have no idea what i want to do with my life. this is so frustrating. most people know what they want to do by the time they are 23.

April 14, 2009

23rd birthday

so next week is my birthday. since my birthday is on a friday i thought it would be cool to have a party actually on my birthday. i was thinking about a cookout or pizza party instead of going to a bar. i find bars to be loud and all. i am just not sure how to plan a good party that people would want to come to.

April 08, 2009

i need to get it together

i really probably should take the gmat or gre and get it over with. i am not even sure i want to go to graduate school but i should take the tests while i still remember stuff and the scores last for 5 years so i can use them if i change my mind. i don't even know what i want to go to graduate school for.
i am still trying to get a job. i have had only 1 job interview and it turned out to be a waste of time because they just filled it internally. they should have thought of that first before they wasted anyone's time interviewing people.
sales are picking up a little bit on my ebay and amazon stores. someone finally paid for an item they won a week and half ago. i was about to put an upaid dispute case on them. and a couple of days ago someone bought some accounting thing i had for my accounting class. someone has also finally bid on this nice watch i had listed on ebay. i have had it on there for like 3 weeks.
i so totally wish i could win the lottery. then there wouldn't be this pressure to get a great job. i would probably work at barnes and nobles or half price books or someplace that i would really enjoy working at. i wouldn't worry about finding a job that makes a lot of money because i would already have the money so if i was going to apply for a job, you would know i wanted to do it and not just have it as a job to make money.
this blog is almost 5 years old! i never thought that i would keep it so long! i have definitly gone through lots on here. sometimes i read old entries.

April 05, 2009

the bad news called life

so i found out that after the interviews and all the time i wasted, they decided to fill the job internally. thanks a lot. it was a job that i could actually see myself in and was totally excited about and they just tear it down. why waste my time and get my hopes up?
the worst thing i have ever done and i didn't mean to do it. so my family has a cat that lives outside. she was getting close to 20 years old. she has always been able to dodge cars and make close calls and all that stuff. so i think she had finally gone deaf. i was leaving to go to the gym and she was right behind the car and she will usually move out of the way but this time she didn't and i didn't know she was there and i ran over her...i felt the bump and i got out to see what it was and it was our cat! i couldn't believe i did that! i feel so sooosososososososososo horrible. i am now the worst person i know and probably the worst person you now know. but i really didn't mean to do it. i can't think anymore or i will start crying.
i think people out there know what i have done because no one is buying from me anymore. i really liked having to go to the post office so often. but i haven't been in a while. i guess i deserve it.

March 24, 2009


so i got an interview yesterday. i thought it went pretty well. the lady that interviewed me actually went to UH and got the same degree as i did so i feel like that it might put me at an advantage. (i hope!) i am suppose to know by the end of the week if i get a 2nd interview or not. i hope so! i know it might not work out especially on the first interview but i need something! i liked the sound of the job and the office looked cool and all. i hate waiting for things to happen.
i am still selling things online. for a week or so i was doing really well and i had sold a lot of stuff. but now things have pretty much stopped and someone even wants to return something because it doesn't "work". my description of the item was accurate and i guess i couldn't verify that it did work before i sent it because i haven't used it in years and i put that on the description. but i sent them a link to a help page for that item. we will see if they actually send it back or not.

March 16, 2009

class and online selling

so on thursday and friday i am taking a quickbooks class. at first i didn't really want to take it but mom and dad were really pressuring me to take. so now that i have signed up for it, it doesn't sound too bad. something to add to my resume and it is only a 2 day class. it is all day for 2 days but then i am done. if it goes well, i might take the 2nd quickbook classes. they aren't credit classes but they are continueing education classes. which makes more sense for me to take because i already have a degree and i just really need more skills. they aren't too expensive either. this one was $99. they all are about this much or less. i think it depends on the class and how long it is.
a week or 2 ago i was having a great run of selling things on ebay and amazon. i sold like 5-10 things within a couple of days. i was doing really great. now everything is dead. the only action i have had was someone bidding on my stuff and then asking to cancel. big pain but he did have a good reason to cancel. but the main reason he canceled was that he didn't read the description and then later found out it wasn't compatible with what he had. and then someone wanted to buy something for half the price that i had it listed but since it was a rare item, i was like i might go lower but not that low you know? i haven't heard from them sense. i am slowly going through my room and the stuff that i want to get rid of, i am listing on ebay and amazon to see if i can sell them before just giving them away. why not try to make some money off of them first right?

February 27, 2009

i am completely hopeless

does anyone know what is? here i s the e-mail that mentions it:
Hi Allison,
I am following up on earlier correspondence regarding your job search. I wanted to touch base to see if you are still looking for work in the Clerical/Administrative field or any other industry. The latest postings are found here.
Katie Jensen
Dudley Search Group
it is the here part that links me to i don't know really why this person sent this e-mail to me because it is kinda pointless. i wish they would just e-mail me if they wanted to offer me a job or interview me. i get excited when i get an e-mail from someone that looks like it might be interested in me and then poof they are just basically sending me an ad for some website. has anyone else gotten any e-mails like this? i don't even know how i got on their list because i haven't even applied to that company.
i hate waiting for any responses from any of the people i have applied with. after a few days i kind of give up hope of hearing from the people i applied with. i would call but half the time there is no number or it is a job that i found on craigslist and they say not to call. sometimes i don't even know where they are located. grrrr. i have even applied to just work at places like krogers and i can't even get a job there! there is something wrong here.
the other day my dad told me that it would probably be pointless to get an mba right now because i should get some experience first and it is so close to my major that i would probably be repeating some classes. which kind of makes sense but i don't know what to do know. i haven't been able to get a job yet and i don't know what else i want to do. it seems like the last 4 years have been pointless because even after getting a degree i still can't get a job.

February 17, 2009


today i recieved my diploma! :) it looks pretty nice but there is one part that is wrinkled a bit. oh well i am just happy to have it finally! the company that prints them also does framing and if you order a frame, they will reprint your diploma so that you will have one in the frame and one for your files or whatever. i am thinking about ordering one. it made me really happy to finally have gotten it. kinda makes it like i really did do it and that it is official. i just wish i could figure out the rest of my life...

February 10, 2009

road called life

so i have been filling out job applications and my parents are still on my case about not having a job yet. sorry no one is exactly hiring right now...... i can't force myself on someone until they give me a job. i am still going to take the gmat and apply for graduate school. i hope they at least except me.
for the first time i am really scared for my life. i am not sure that my parents want me to talk about this but we sold one of our cars and the guy wants to return it and is really making me scared since he knows where we live. i thought about justing going on vacation to like disney world (the most carefee place in the world!) but then i looked at plane ticket prices and hotel prices and ticket prices to get into disney world and i realized that it is really expensive to do that. i could probably afford it but it is so expensive. the hotel room would be over $1000 for a couple of days! and so would the plane tickets. for tickets to disney world it would be like $250 for a few days! it is $75 a day!
life sucks.

January 19, 2009

old picture

so i finished scanning and editing all my old pictures. it was fun to through all the pictures and to see how weird we used to be. i was thinking about posting them on facebook but i don't know if some poeple would want them on there.

January 12, 2009


i really feel like i need to get out of here for a little while. i was thinking about going on a trip but i don't know if anyone would want to come with me. i don't want to go alone. i was thinking about going to england. i would like to make use of my passport.

January 11, 2009

cleaning up and out

so today it felt like i had just too much stuff. i really felt like i needed to get ride of all kinds of stuff. but a lot of it is like old letters and notes or things that you don't want to get ride of it because you got it on a trip or you made it at camp or something like that. i just feel like if i gave something away, the next day i would wish that i had it back you know? i think that if i had my own apartment or house, i wouldn't feel that way anymore because i would be able to put everything in its own place. like i want to have a library room for all my books and then that would clear up at least 50% of my room. i would be able to displace stuff that i want and hang up all kinds of pictures and stuff. i guess i thought selling stuff on ebay and amazon would be better than they have been. oh well.

January 04, 2009

graduate school

so my parents are like you need to apply to graduate school. so i am starting to look into it. i think i may be able to get into sam houston. i have no idea. i first need to take the tests i guess. but i like any schools that do not require any essays or recommendations or anything hard. i have no idea who i would get recommendations from. i would ask some of my teachers but i am afriad they would laugh at me or not remember me when i would ask them for a recommendation. i am so lame.

January 01, 2009

Happy 2009!

i really hope this year is better than last year. i guess these are my resolutions this year or at least what i want to accomplish this year. they are almost the same thing.
  1. Get a job. or Get into graduate school. either one will do. i want to have some kind of plan for the future. i want to figure out what i am going to do with my life. i thought that after getting the diploma, i would have things figured out but i am a long way from that.
  2. lose weight. that is always on my resolution list and it probably will be always on my list. i am mostly ok with my weight. i just want to be able to keep moving and enjoy life. i don't think i will ever be able to be like the people you see on tv that are so heavy that they can't get out of bed. i don't think i could do that. i would be so bored. and i don't think i could stand to see myself like that either.
  3. i would like to finish scanning all my old pictures into my computer. that is a project that stopped when i was scanning stuff and nearly broke my dad's computer. but that was just a coincidence because the computer happened to feak out at the same time as when i was working on it and it still isn't my fault. but i want to get my own scanner to finish it.
  4. i want to finish getting all our home videos onto dvds. that has kinda hit a stopping point too. A) we cannot find all of our old videos and B) my computer freezes up when i try to edit stuff.
  5. i would like to work out more. i go to 24 hour fitness but not that regularly. i was also kinda hoping to get a wii to use the fitness games and that hasn't work out either. everyone is sold out of the wii and my mom said that she was going to get it for me for christmas. another dissappointment. she was going to get it last year too but that never happened either.
  6. i would like to travel this year. i haven't gone anywhere in like 5 years. but that cost money which i don't have enough of to have a nice vacation without worrying about being broke afterwards.

hopefully i can accomplish some of these resolutions. my year would be really bad if i didn't do at least 1 of them.


so does anyone out there ever have great expectations for birthdays or christmas or graduation and then always get dissappointed? like i thought for graduation, i thought i would get more than a couple of cards. i always here about people that get really nice cars or for some people some kind of body enhancement. i was kinda hoping for a new car especially since i have been having such bad luck with the cars that my parents let me drive. or i thought that my parents would get me a really nice computer since mine is starting to do wierd stuff! (it freezes up every time i try to edit some videos! and that is after i upgraded the memory). and it seems like everyone was always making fun of me during christmas and for once it wasn't about my weight. and all everyone could talk about is that i need to find a job and what kind of job i should get and all that. no wonder i spent so much time in my room this christmas. i just couldn't stand it anymore. i don't mind some help but it was really starting to bug me and it started to feel like i was a bum or something for not already having a job. i started to feel real ashamed of myself. i feel like a real dissappointment to everyone. i don't have plans for right after graduation and i didn't have all kinds of awards and stuff at graduation. i feel like i need to get out of here away from everyone but of course i don't have the money or the job so i feel stuck. i don't even own any cars to get away in. i don't think i could just leave with one of my parent's cars. i think it would be stealling if i didn't plan on coming back.
sorry about all this to anyone that reads this. i am just feeling really down today. maybe it is also that we are taking down christmas decorations. which i don't really want to do anyway especially when i put them all up myself. i hate it when i have to do 90% of the work and get no credit.