January 30, 2012

i guess i should just accept that you don't care at all. that you don't want to be in my life at all. that you just said stuff to me. i am tired of empty words. i am tired of getting my hopes up and thinking that you will be there for me like i have been for you. when i have needed you, you weren't there. everyone has disappeared on me and maybe it is time for me to just disappear. to just go and see who cares enough to try and find me. i guess it is time to see who really cares. to see who is going to step up and show me. i have showed you now it is my turn. that probably sounds selfish but i am tired of always giving and giving and now that i got nothing left, what else am i suppose to do? i got nothing left to give. just me. i feel so worthless because i got nothing. i work my ass off trying to save up my money again and to get through school and everything else that everyone throws at me but i feel like i am getting no where and no one here to push me up when i have fallen so far. i have hit rock bottom and no one cares. i cry myself to sleep and i hate it.

January 02, 2012

i guess since i got nothing left give you, there is nothing left for you to take from me, you just drop me. i guess that is all you ever wanted from me is money and for me to do things for you. i guess i never really meant anything at all to you. when you meant the world to me. it breaks my heart to see you on facebook and not even respond to me. all i ever wanted was your friendship. to have a spot in your life and i can't even have that. i never expected much. just  to talk or text or something once a week or something. but we are going on 2 months now of you not talking to me. you didn't even acknowledge my christmas present or cards or anything. i feel like i have given you everything i have and i get nothing in return. i don't want anything in return. i just want your friendship! something that is free! it may cost nothing but it means everything to me. you have no idea how something so small can mean so much to me. i guess for giving you my all, i just get my heart thrown back at me.

January 01, 2012

I am sorry I am not good enough for you. Not pretty enough. I have always been me and I don't know what made you change your mind. My heart breaks every day that you don't talk to me. I miss you and I have no idea how to tell you how much you mean to me or even if you will listen.
Happy new year.... I guess. This morning I have been thinking how my life has changed in the past year. It just seems like the bad overshadows the good. I feel like I have lost you. I really miss our friendship. You made me feel so happy. And now I don't even know if you think about me at all. Every day I miss you, I miss how much we use to talk and how good and happy you made me feel. Now I feel like everything has gone wrong. Things are so stressful and it feels 10x worse because you aren't there. To talk to or give me a hug or just anything. I feel so lost and alone. It feels like everyone has disappeared.