December 29, 2011
i guess it really says how you feel about me when you totally ignore what i sent you for christmas, totally ignore a christmas card, and don't even bother to send me a stupid text saying merry christmas. i guess i was stupid to think you really cared about me and wanted to be my friend. what gets me is that even through all this, i realize i still love you. and that just makes it hurt worse. that i would do anything in the world for you but you don't give a dam about me. and i hate that i can't do anything about it. everything i had done for you doesn't seem to make a difference. it feels like the past year has meant nothing to you. maybe someday you will tell me where i stand with you because i don't know anymore.
December 22, 2011
i feel so stupid for thinking you cared. so stupid for giving you my heart. now i cry every night because i have given you everything and i got nothing. all i want is to be a part of your life. i don't want much. just to know that you really care. to talk to you. for you to be there for me. i feel so alone. i feel like everyone is disappearing on me and i can't trust anyone anymore. i cry every night because my heart is breaking. i feel stupid for thinking that someone actually cared. that someone might actually have loved me. now i am alone. and i hate it. do you even think about me anymore? you cross my mind all the time. i miss how we use to talk all the time and i felt like i could tell you anything. now i feel like everything about me is just wrong. that i am stupid and can't do anything right and i just feel so in the way of everyone. i am just so lost. i don't know how long i can do this anymore. i felt so complete with you. now i feel like i am drowning. and no one is there to save me.