February 29, 2012

Why do I keep hoping that you will just even talk to me? I feel so stupid every time I text you and I get no response. What happened to us? I think back to a year ago and how things were so different. It kills me to think how close we were and now... I just don't know. All I ever did was care. And give and give and give. Until I have nothing left. But I feel like I carry the world on my shoulders and you don't seem to care. I have kept my word, when will you?

February 27, 2012

Sometimes I feel like I am just a big joke to everyone. I put my heart out on the line and all I do is get stomped on. Be there and be my friend or show yourself the door. I don't have time for part time friends. My life for the past 2 or so years has been full of people that will just take and take and never give anything back. I am just so tired. Show me your real and it could be the best thing you ever did. I am loyal and I feel like I am special. But everyone just is never there unless they need something. I am tired of that.

February 22, 2012

i guess it is time that i really realize that you don't care about me at all. that i am not even on your list of people to care about. i am dying inside and it hurts so bad because i care a ton about you. even just as friends. i make time for everyone that i care about and you don't even seem to try. it just feels like i am drowning and you are just watching me and not doing a thing. i need a sign that someone out there really cares about me. do you even remember what today was? i guess i am stupid. i can't do this anymore. i hurt inside and i feel like i am screaming inside and i can't do anything about it. i just wish i didn't feel like a big nothing to you.

February 14, 2012

I guess I was stupid to think that you would think about me today. Or even return my happy valentines day text. I guess people really are too busy to send a 2 second text.
I just feel so ignored. Not important enough to even talk to. I might as well be invisible
I need some kind of sign that you still care, still think of me, that I cross your mind at all. Because I do. And I am dying inside at the thought that it was all fake. I want it all to be real. Maybe I will never know. And that is what scares me.

February 10, 2012

I miss your voice
And the way we use to talk
I miss your hugs
And how you believed in me
I miss how you made me feel so much better
And how you listened to what I had to say when no one else did
I hate how we don't talk anymore
And I would give anything to see you again
But most of all
I just miss YOU!!

February 05, 2012

i just wish i could disappear. i am hurting inside and i feel like i got the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one cares at all. when i am crying, i got no one there to talk to. i often wonder if i do just disappear, would anyone come after me? sometimes i just want to go totally off the grid and see if anyone notices. see if anyone cares enough to come look for me. those will be the real friends. do i have any real people in my life or just people that take and take? i don't want anything back except for friendship- real friendship. people that got my back like i do theirs. but i guess that is too much to ask these days. even just a little time of day is too much to ask anyone. but i am always at the bottom of everyone's list if i even make the list.

February 04, 2012

so my birthday is coming up soon. i know that as i get older, it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. it is my day. are you going to remember it this year? i know everyone is going to forget it this year. please prove to me that you remember. that you care. i guess maybe if you don't maybe that really shows that you don't care. i don't want anything other than you to talk to me. yea i could ask for so much but you know what? i hate money and i hate what it can buy. i don't want "stuff:" i want things that money can't buy. i want your friendship. to spend time with you. to know you care and that i mean something to you. i wish it didn't have to come down to my birthday to show that to me but if you want to know what i want. that is it.

January 30, 2012

i guess i should just accept that you don't care at all. that you don't want to be in my life at all. that you just said stuff to me. i am tired of empty words. i am tired of getting my hopes up and thinking that you will be there for me like i have been for you. when i have needed you, you weren't there. everyone has disappeared on me and maybe it is time for me to just disappear. to just go and see who cares enough to try and find me. i guess it is time to see who really cares. to see who is going to step up and show me. i have showed you now it is my turn. that probably sounds selfish but i am tired of always giving and giving and now that i got nothing left, what else am i suppose to do? i got nothing left to give. just me. i feel so worthless because i got nothing. i work my ass off trying to save up my money again and to get through school and everything else that everyone throws at me but i feel like i am getting no where and no one here to push me up when i have fallen so far. i have hit rock bottom and no one cares. i cry myself to sleep and i hate it.

January 02, 2012

i guess since i got nothing left give you, there is nothing left for you to take from me, you just drop me. i guess that is all you ever wanted from me is money and for me to do things for you. i guess i never really meant anything at all to you. when you meant the world to me. it breaks my heart to see you on facebook and not even respond to me. all i ever wanted was your friendship. to have a spot in your life and i can't even have that. i never expected much. just  to talk or text or something once a week or something. but we are going on 2 months now of you not talking to me. you didn't even acknowledge my christmas present or cards or anything. i feel like i have given you everything i have and i get nothing in return. i don't want anything in return. i just want your friendship! something that is free! it may cost nothing but it means everything to me. you have no idea how something so small can mean so much to me. i guess for giving you my all, i just get my heart thrown back at me.

January 01, 2012

I am sorry I am not good enough for you. Not pretty enough. I have always been me and I don't know what made you change your mind. My heart breaks every day that you don't talk to me. I miss you and I have no idea how to tell you how much you mean to me or even if you will listen.
Happy new year.... I guess. This morning I have been thinking how my life has changed in the past year. It just seems like the bad overshadows the good. I feel like I have lost you. I really miss our friendship. You made me feel so happy. And now I don't even know if you think about me at all. Every day I miss you, I miss how much we use to talk and how good and happy you made me feel. Now I feel like everything has gone wrong. Things are so stressful and it feels 10x worse because you aren't there. To talk to or give me a hug or just anything. I feel so lost and alone. It feels like everyone has disappeared.