June 20, 2011

This year has not been all that great. Some good things have happened and some not that great things. I have gotten into graduate school which is good. But it just seems to have brought more battles to conquer than I thought and more stress that really isn't related to what you would think it would be from. It was hard enough to just get financial aid. At first I wasn't sure if I would need it because I had enough to cover it but it just seems like money is flying out of my pocket so fast i am glad I got it because I do really need it now. It scares me though having to use it because I have no idea when anyone is actually going to want to hire me. It is just stressing me out. I hate spending this much money. I haven't ever really been a big spender (which is why I drive a 10 year old car and have a 6 year old laptop that are just both hanging in there) and I was always proud of how much I had saved and stuff. Registration was a pain. I signed up for 2 classes and one of them totally got messed up. I wasn't on the teacher's class list or on the webct part. The only place that showed I was in the class was in my student records and then it turned out there were prerequisites for the class so I have no idea how I was able to sign up for the class anyway. So they dropped me. My parents decided to send me to help my sister move so now I am way behind on school work because I haven't had Internet access for a couple days and haven't had time to read the textbook and I had just been so tired from packing and moving. I have gotten about 6 hours of sleep the past 3 or 4 days. I have no clue how I am going to catch up. Then I just seem to not be able to live up to everyone's expectations. I am never good enough. I feel so unwanted. I feel like I am just in the way of everyone. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I have no idea who I can even talk to anymore because it seems like everyone has their own stuff to deal with and I am just in their way bothering them or something. Which is why I guess I am writing all this on a blog. Cause I need to talk this out somewhere. I don't think anyone reads this anyway.