January 01, 2009

dissappointment

so does anyone out there ever have great expectations for birthdays or christmas or graduation and then always get dissappointed? like i thought for graduation, i thought i would get more than a couple of cards. i always here about people that get really nice cars or for some people some kind of body enhancement. i was kinda hoping for a new car especially since i have been having such bad luck with the cars that my parents let me drive. or i thought that my parents would get me a really nice computer since mine is starting to do wierd stuff! (it freezes up every time i try to edit some videos! and that is after i upgraded the memory). and it seems like everyone was always making fun of me during christmas and for once it wasn't about my weight. and all everyone could talk about is that i need to find a job and what kind of job i should get and all that. no wonder i spent so much time in my room this christmas. i just couldn't stand it anymore. i don't mind some help but it was really starting to bug me and it started to feel like i was a bum or something for not already having a job. i started to feel real ashamed of myself. i feel like a real dissappointment to everyone. i don't have plans for right after graduation and i didn't have all kinds of awards and stuff at graduation. i feel like i need to get out of here away from everyone but of course i don't have the money or the job so i feel stuck. i don't even own any cars to get away in. i don't think i could just leave with one of my parent's cars. i think it would be stealling if i didn't plan on coming back.
sorry about all this to anyone that reads this. i am just feeling really down today. maybe it is also that we are taking down christmas decorations. which i don't really want to do anyway especially when i put them all up myself. i hate it when i have to do 90% of the work and get no credit.

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