October 02, 2004

i am a big idiot

so why did i think a private room would help?? my reasons seem really stupid right now. now i have no tv, a longer walk to everything, i don't know anyone here, and it is too quiet. but at least i can sleep. i took a nice 3 hour nap today because i was so tired from moving last night and i still am tired. so i am going to bed soon. but i guess i just want to figure things out and the best way to do that is to write in my blog and i can have people comment on it. sorry if i scare you guys. i should be committed or something. but i need more structure in my life. i sorta liked how high school worked. you went to school everyday from 7:30-2:25 every day and then you went home and studied because you had all your classes the next day. here you only have classes only 2 or 3 times a week. not as much structure to life. you were pretty much told what to study in high school. here you have to figure it out for yourself. here school does not take up most of your time. i sorta want to go back to high school. even though i didn't like it that much but i like it better than i do here. at least i knew people and knew where everthing was and i lived at home and had a homecooked meal pretty much every night and i would see my friends everyday and i had a car. here i don't know where things are and i don't know that many people and not many i would consider friends, and what ever they are serving in the cafeteria you get to eat and they are only open at certain times and i don't like the gym here very much (i actually miss 24hour fitness!!) and the swim team practices during my classes and never even told me when the interest meeting was even when i asked!! forget this i am going home to my family and friends that are still there and hopefully i will be able to see friends soon that aren't there and access to a car and better gym and maybe even a swim team that i can practice with and maybe i will soon find somewhere that i would like to go to!! and i am going to make sure that is what i want before i say i am going to go there. i am going to visit the campus and talk to people and everything before i decide on where to go. so hopefully by monday i will have this worked out and i will know if i am coming home or what. but if i have it my way i will be home. hopefully i will really know by tomorrow. but i think i will withdraw anyway. check later to see what happens.

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