Help

i just wish i could disappear. i am hurting inside and i feel like i got the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one cares at all. when i am crying, i got no one there to talk to. i often wonder if i do just disappear, would anyone come after me? sometimes i just want to go totally off the grid and see if anyone notices. see if anyone cares enough to come look for me. those will be the real friends. do i have any real people in my life or just people that take and take? i don't want anything back except for friendship- real friendship. people that got my back like i do theirs. but i guess that is too much to ask these days. even just a little time of day is too much to ask anyone. but i am always at the bottom of everyone's list if i even make the list.