September 04, 2011
i wish i could go back to the way things were. where we were so close. that i knew where i stood with you. now i need you the most, you are gone. you only talk to me when you need something from me. i don't mind helping you out. i told you i would always be there for you and i still will. no matter how much i am ignored or hurt. i guess i am like a dog. loyal and will still love the owner no matter how many times they hit them. my mind tells me to let you go and just move on but my heart says no. i have given you stuff some real special stuff that i can never get back and i don't even know if you realize how special that is. maybe i am just not worth it. you use to make me feel so special. i miss what we had. i felt like we were so close. now i am lucky if you talk to me or even think of me when i think of you every day. i have so much i want to say but i hide it inside. i have become so quiet. it hurts. i am just so confused these days and i have no idea if the direction i am taking is right or if i am just blindly making my way through life. i have a feeling that i am not worth much to anyone anymore. sometimes i wonder if i just disappear would anyone notice? maybe i am just a fool. and i am just tired. physically and emotionally. i wish i could talk to you about this but i can't. maybe it is my pride. but i can't talk to anyone else because there is just too much. and too much of it i can't talk about with anyone but you.