September 21, 2011

am i even worth it to you anymore? is it just easier to ignore me? why not just tell me you don't even want to be my friend anymore? it would hurt less to hear that than to keep thinking i mean anything to you. maybe it is just a lesson to me to not trust anyone anymore. i have learned an expensive lesson. don't give my heart to anyone. but i have and i can't really take it back. you have it and you probably always will. every guy i think about makes me think of you. it has almost been a month since you last talked to me. i am tired of trying to talk with no response. i don't like being the first one to talk anymore but i feel like you won't talk first. i guess i was stupid to expect that we would stay in contact. remember promising me that i wouldn't be cut off? it feels like i am cut off. i don't expect to talk all the time but what is wrong with wanting to talk or text once a week? i have never wanted anything in return except to stay in contact but you block me on facebook, you don't call me or even text. you never write back. maybe i am trying too hard. maybe i am expecting too much but to just stay in contact somehow doesn't seem like much to ask for. especially for all that i have done. maybe i am just being played. i hate questioning where i stand with people. it has become one of the worst feelings in the world. i would ask what i could change to make it so you would want to talk to me but then i would wonder would i still be me? i don't even know if you think about me at all. do i cross your mind like you do mine? i wonder what i did to make it so that you don't want to talk to me or at least feel that way. i never thought it would be this way. i thought we would see each other more. be able to talk more. just more everything but it is the opposite of what i thought it would be like. i am just more confused than ever. i hate that i feel like i have no one to talk to and that i have to put all this out here because i can't hold it inside any longer. i don't think you will see this either but if you do, call me or text me. tell me where i stand. you told me once that you needed me. is that still true? i need you. even if not, you got a spot still in my heart that no one will ever have.

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