September 28, 2011
i sometimes wonder if you ever notice that i don't answer your question about what i am up to. that i just concentrate on you. i wonder if you ever care to really find out. or do you think i don't do anything at all? sometimes i wonder if you ever think about asking again. i never know where to start. do you want to know about work? school? the stress? how i wonder if i can make it through it all? that i wonder if i am good enough for it? good enough for anyone? am i worth it? so many things run through my head i have no idea where to start. in the end it is easier to just concentrate on you. but inside i am dying. from the pressure. the stress. everything. wondering where i stand with you. you use to text me just to say good morning or good night. you use to say that you missed me and thought about me. you don't say that anymore. maybe you still do. maybe you don't. i have no idea and i don't want to lose you. i told you a year ago almost exactly that i loved you. you said it too. but you haven't said it in so long. maybe you just don't. but maybe you do. i hope you do but sometimes i wish i didn't. because then i start to hurt because i don't want to get my hope up. and it just leads to a big cicle of wondering then why you don't talk to me. i don't know. maybe i am just being stupid. or crazy. or both. i am sure whoever is reading this probably thinks i am crazy. i am just confused. left wondering what is going on. i thought things would be so different. i think you did too.