June 15, 2014

I haven't been on here in more than 2 years. What has happened in that time? Everything from going from having savings and a job and a car and computer and pretty much anything I want and people that I at least thought cared about me to being betrayed by those people or having my heart broken by them stepped on. Broke and having absolutely nothing. Having clothes that are 3 and 4 sizes too big but not being able to get new ones. I guess I am lucky enough to have clean clothes. I got no job. I have seen shoot outs. Learned about life that I never thought I would. I had book smarts before but I know have learned street smarts. Am I happy? No. I am hungry a lot. I am haunted by my past and it hurts me every day. I crave the love I thought I had from people but I see how easy people disappear when your life gets bad. It makes me want to go down the rode that people already assume I have gone down. Sometimes I want to do drugs and get fucked up to just forget everything. To numb the pain. I can't even talk to no one anymore. I got no one. I am one step away from living on the streets and no one cares. No one knows that pain until you are here. And I hope you never are. Because once you are here there is no way out. Everyone hates you and everyone that you thought was real is just fake.