i never say things outloud....but now i am!!

i never really say what i mean to say. i don't know if i am scared that someone will read it and get mad or what but i need to say some stuff.
amber says hey girl or bye girl. i guess that annoys me a little bit because i have a name. she might say that to everyone but still. it annoys me. her boyfriend calls all the time. early in the morning and late at night. and in between. her friends always come in a go through her closet. so i will be sitting here doing something on my computer and in walks someone i don't know who has ambers key. they say i am a friend of ambers. they start going through her closet and stuff. on friday i come back and there are clothes everywhere!! amber wasn't there (she went to take a shower because she walked in a few minutes later and she had left the door unlocked) and her clothes were on my bed and on her bed and on the floor. amber never invites me to go anywhere with her and i don't want to invite myself because i sorta think that is a little rude to invite yourself places. but she has never asked me to go anywhere and she has never asked if i need to go to walmart or anything (she has a car) you would think that would be considerate to invite your carless roommate with you places since you have a car and they don't!! i would if it was the other way around!!
List of reasons why i should stay:
-i like my classes even though some of them are boring
-my bed is pretty comfortable
-i like my sheets and how i have everything set up on my side of the room
-it is somewhat close to home but my parents complain about the drive (it is a 6 hour round trip)

List of reasons of why i should go home:
-all the people i know are upperclassman and i never see them and they live off campus
-i don't have a car and most of the things i want to do are off campus and are a little to far away to walk to.
-i miss my family too much and obviously they need me! (i did their laundry this weekend and i took the dog for a walk. no one has time to do these things that still lives there!)
-good old home-cooked meals that doesn't give me a stomach ache or diarrhea!!
-i have access to a car there so i can go places and see my friends that are still there or see friends when they come home for the weekend
-mom and dad would not have to come and get me to see me since they don't seem to have the time anymore to come and get me and then take me back here again!!

i sorta wish i could just go somewhere that i can live at home or closer to home so i can see my family more. and mostly that involves tomball or U of H and i don't know if i can get into U of H!! i don't know if i am that smart. but i could always try. oh well. my parents keep trying to solve my problems for me. they are like join a club or work out more or meet more people. well so far i have not found a club that i want to join and i think i work out enough thank you and it is a little embarrassing when i can't remember all the names of people i have met!! and guess what i found out today!! the swim team started without me!! even though i keeped e-mailing the person in charge of it about when we were going to start and then i find out they had a meeting without me and schedule the practices during on of my MWF classes so i can't go to the practices either!! that makes me mad!!
anyway last friday i got tons of mail!! i got a card and care package from my best friend's mom and a check for dropping the art history class and a letter from my pen-pal!! yeah! and today i got my debit card even though i don't have that much money to spend. i need to save money anyway!!
sorry for the long depressing blog. i just need to sort things out.