I haven't been on here in more than 2 years. What has happened in that time? Everything from going from having savings and a job and a car and computer and pretty much anything I want and people that I at least thought cared about me to being betrayed by those people or having my heart broken by them stepped on. Broke and having absolutely nothing. Having clothes that are 3 and 4 sizes too big but not being able to get new ones. I guess I am lucky enough to have clean clothes. I got no job. I have seen shoot outs. Learned about life that I never thought I would. I had book smarts before but I know have learned street smarts. Am I happy? No. I am hungry a lot. I am haunted by my past and it hurts me every day. I crave the love I thought I had from people but I see how easy people disappear when your life gets bad. It makes me want to go down the rode that people already assume I have gone down. Sometimes I want to do drugs and get fucked up to just forget everything. To numb the pain. I can't even talk to no one anymore. I got no one. I am one step away from living on the streets and no one cares. No one knows that pain until you are here. And I hope you never are. Because once you are here there is no way out. Everyone hates you and everyone that you thought was real is just fake.
wow. today i was fired. i think that is the shortest time someone has worked anywhere. i think i lasted 3 weeks. unless you count the girl that trained with me that never showed up after that day. maybe she had the right idea. oh well more time spend with my family because i think i was suppose to work next week. now instant vacation again! and on again the job search/soul search/ where is my future search. at least i like the weather. hopefully i have a good christmas. i don't deserve anything at all but hopefully i will be surprised.
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