This year has not been all that great. Some good things have happened and some not that great things. I have gotten into graduate school which is good. But it just seems to have brought more battles to conquer than I thought and more stress that really isn't related to what you would think it would be from. It was hard enough to just get financial aid. At first I wasn't sure if I would need it because I had enough to cover it but it just seems like money is flying out of my pocket so fast i am glad I got it because I do really need it now. It scares me though having to use it because I have no idea when anyone is actually going to want to hire me. It is just stressing me out. I hate spending this much money. I haven't ever really been a big spender (which is why I drive a 10 year old car and have a 6 year old laptop that are just both hanging in there) and I was always proud of how much I had saved and stuff. Registration was a pain. I signed up for 2 classes and one of them totally got messed up. I wasn't on the teacher's class list or on the webct part. The only place that showed I was in the class was in my student records and then it turned out there were prerequisites for the class so I have no idea how I was able to sign up for the class anyway. So they dropped me. My parents decided to send me to help my sister move so now I am way behind on school work because I haven't had Internet access for a couple days and haven't had time to read the textbook and I had just been so tired from packing and moving. I have gotten about 6 hours of sleep the past 3 or 4 days. I have no clue how I am going to catch up. Then I just seem to not be able to live up to everyone's expectations. I am never good enough. I feel so unwanted. I feel like I am just in the way of everyone. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I have no idea who I can even talk to anymore because it seems like everyone has their own stuff to deal with and I am just in their way bothering them or something. Which is why I guess I am writing all this on a blog. Cause I need to talk this out somewhere. I don't think anyone reads this anyway.
wow. today i was fired. i think that is the shortest time someone has worked anywhere. i think i lasted 3 weeks. unless you count the girl that trained with me that never showed up after that day. maybe she had the right idea. oh well more time spend with my family because i think i was suppose to work next week. now instant vacation again! and on again the job search/soul search/ where is my future search. at least i like the weather. hopefully i have a good christmas. i don't deserve anything at all but hopefully i will be surprised.
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