tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68466432024-02-08T10:00:44.320-06:00Enter At Your Own Risk!!Welcome to my ramblings. have fun reading this!!!Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.comBlogger609125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-49684083524897940502022-08-17T20:42:00.002-05:002022-08-17T20:42:37.874-05:00Help<p>So I am being evicted. If any of you can help out, even if it is a dollar, please cash app me. </p><p><br /></p><p>$AllisonCooksub</p>Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-91871264113017305892022-08-17T20:20:00.002-05:002022-08-17T20:43:06.187-05:00Making a habit of disappearing <p> Hello world! 🌎 </p><p>Here I am, alive and doing well for the moment. I have a place to live and food and a car to drive. My movie collection has improved. But in about 10 days I am being evicted. Do I have money to go anywhere? No. A place to lay my head with family or friends? No. Have I done anything wrong to deserve this? No. Am I on drugs? No. </p><p>I will check back in a month and maybe things will look up?</p>Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-63503846066474577852017-10-23T18:52:00.002-05:002017-10-23T18:52:38.585-05:00so I recently had an interesting spam email come to my email. a guy saying he found me through some website. he continues to tell me that he is a soldier in afghanistan and that he wants to send me a box of cash. so i was like ok… i figured it was a scam but decided to waste his time and entertain myself and see where this went. he said he was sending it through the red cross. (didn't know they were there but who knows) he says the red cross lady will contact me about how to get this box. she emails me and says that i have to pay insurance on this box and that this company will call me. they call me at like 2 am. they end up telling me i have to pay $850 for the insurance on this box. so that is the scam part. so i tell them that hell no i don't have that kind of money and hang up. i email the original scammer and tell him hell no too i don't have $850. he then says get a loan. i am way too smart to get a loan for scammer. i tell him i can't get one and he keeps pushing and pushing the subject of getting a loan. i tell him no i can't qualify and all that. still kinda playing along. i tell him that is almost more than what i make in a month if i don't pay bill and don't eat and all that. he then says do it! save a month and send it. so this guy is pretending to be a soldier and pretty much tells me to be homeless and not eat or drink for a month just so he can have this money…. this is the worst person out there to tell me that. there are scammers out there that will scam you out of money but this one kinda went above and beyond that to say be homeless just so he can have this money. he was also sending me pictures of this guy and his kids to try and convince me that he is this person. they are probably pictures off of some guys Facebook or something because he had several of the same guy with his kids. so not only is he scamming people out of money he is stealing this guys pictures and trying to pass himself off as this guy.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-30087700001178474442017-09-11T03:05:00.000-05:002017-09-11T03:05:29.779-05:00This day a year ago changed my life. It put me on an emotional roller coaster that I don't understand. It was an amazing experience that I am glad I shared with you. It is something I will always remember and it is something I hold close to my heart. Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-74577654093795178572017-09-11T01:38:00.000-05:002017-09-11T01:38:38.611-05:00I am back! I know it has been a few years since I have been on here but I thought many times about going back to blogging and here I am. I didn't have a computer for many years but I bought a used macbook a few days ago and decided to log back in. I have been thinking of different topics I can post about and hopefully keep people interested and wanting to come back here! I would love to have a group of people to that could keep up a conversation.<br />
I am back to living in north Houston. I moved from Hitchcock, Tx. I really like living there. I love the small town feeling and no traffic. It is kind of like Gilmore Girls. I love that show and I always wanted to live in a small town. I would move back if I had the money to. Right now I feel like I am living a fantasy of a lot of people. Who ever watched the Suite life of Zach and Cody? Where they lived in a hotel? Right now I am staying in a Studio 6 Extended Stay. I am having trouble getting approved for an apartment so here I am. It is really nice. It is about $1000 a month but it is all bills paid and the cable includes some HBO! They do come around and clean the rooms but since I do have a dog and I am scared that if they come clean when I am not there, something will happen to her like getting loose or hurt. So I have one of those nice do not disturb signs out. But I frequently take in my towels and sheets to be washed for me and get new ones. (but I still have to wash my own clothes. LOL) No room service here on the food but they have one of those Order Inn menus here that is pretty much the same but I think it comes from maybe nearby restaurants. I enjoy the kitchen in the room instead. I moved from renting a room in a house that I did not have access to a kitchen so having a normal sized refrigerator is a big deal to me right now. I have that and a stove and microwave. No oven yet but I am hoping to get an apartment soon (or an RV but that is another story). I am also excited to have my own bathroom again. I had to share a bathroom with many very gross people that I don't think ever thought about cleaning the bathroom. There were many times I had to clean the tub before I took a shower. But I always had thought it would be fun to stay at a hotel for a while. Now I get to live it for a little while!Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-51003300812649593782014-06-15T23:31:00.000-05:002014-06-15T23:31:07.054-05:00I haven't been on here in more than 2 years. What has happened in that time? Everything from going from having savings and a job and a car and computer and pretty much anything I want and people that I at least thought cared about me to being betrayed by those people or having my heart broken by them stepped on. Broke and having absolutely nothing. Having clothes that are 3 and 4 sizes too big but not being able to get new ones. I guess I am lucky enough to have clean clothes. I got no job. I have seen shoot outs. Learned about life that I never thought I would. I had book smarts before but I know have learned street smarts. Am I happy? No. I am hungry a lot. I am haunted by my past and it hurts me every day. I crave the love I thought I had from people but I see how easy people disappear when your life gets bad. It makes me want to go down the rode that people already assume I have gone down. Sometimes I want to do drugs and get fucked up to just forget everything. To numb the pain. I can't even talk to no one anymore. I got no one. I am one step away from living on the streets and no one cares. No one knows that pain until you are here. And I hope you never are. Because once you are here there is no way out. Everyone hates you and everyone that you thought was real is just fake.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-21455781067501110362012-02-29T22:24:00.001-06:002012-02-29T22:24:26.865-06:00Why do I keep hoping that you will just even talk to me? I feel so stupid every time I text you and I get no response. What happened to us? I think back to a year ago and how things were so different. It kills me to think how close we were and now... I just don't know. All I ever did was care. And give and give and give. Until I have nothing left. But I feel like I carry the world on my shoulders and you don't seem to care. I have kept my word, when will you?Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-35716992998099718342012-02-27T20:13:00.001-06:002012-02-27T20:13:57.358-06:00Sometimes I feel like I am just a big joke to everyone. I put my heart out on the line and all I do is get stomped on. Be there and be my friend or show yourself the door. I don't have time for part time friends. My life for the past 2 or so years has been full of people that will just take and take and never give anything back. I am just so tired. Show me your real and it could be the best thing you ever did. I am loyal and I feel like I am special. But everyone just is never there unless they need something. I am tired of that. Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-88856765128295999632012-02-22T01:23:00.000-06:002012-02-22T01:23:34.384-06:00i guess it is time that i really realize that you don't care about me at all. that i am not even on your list of people to care about. i am dying inside and it hurts so bad because i care a ton about you. even just as friends. i make time for everyone that i care about and you don't even seem to try. it just feels like i am drowning and you are just watching me and not doing a thing. i need a sign that someone out there really cares about me. do you even remember what today was? i guess i am stupid. i can't do this anymore. i hurt inside and i feel like i am screaming inside and i can't do anything about it. i just wish i didn't feel like a big nothing to you.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-10839927774726693142012-02-14T11:44:00.001-06:002012-02-14T11:44:31.461-06:00I guess I was stupid to think that you would think about me today. Or even return my happy valentines day text. I guess people really are too busy to send a 2 second text. <br />
I just feel so ignored. Not important enough to even talk to. I might as well be invisibleAllisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-50174099085492826592012-02-14T01:45:00.001-06:002012-02-14T01:45:29.878-06:00I need some kind of sign that you still care, still think of me, that I cross your mind at all. Because I do. And I am dying inside at the thought that it was all fake. I want it all to be real. Maybe I will never know. And that is what scares me. Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-37160360234628510702012-02-10T23:49:00.001-06:002012-02-10T23:52:18.329-06:00I miss your voice<br />
And the way we use to talk<br />
I miss your hugs<br />
And how you believed in me<br />
I miss how you made me feel so much better<br />
And how you listened to what I had to say when no one else did<br />
I hate how we don't talk anymore<br />
And I would give anything to see you again<br />
But most of all<br />
I just miss YOU!!Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-4325147026478688642012-02-05T17:18:00.000-06:002012-02-05T17:18:49.637-06:00i just wish i could disappear. i am hurting inside and i feel like i got the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one cares at all. when i am crying, i got no one there to talk to. i often wonder if i do just disappear, would anyone come after me? sometimes i just want to go totally off the grid and see if anyone notices. see if anyone cares enough to come look for me. those will be the real friends. do i have any real people in my life or just people that take and take? i don't want anything back except for friendship- real friendship. people that got my back like i do theirs. but i guess that is too much to ask these days. even just a little time of day is too much to ask anyone. but i am always at the bottom of everyone's list if i even make the list.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-53094824957038567602012-02-04T01:35:00.000-06:002012-02-04T01:35:52.446-06:00so my birthday is coming up soon. i know that as i get older, it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. it is my day. are you going to remember it this year? i know everyone is going to forget it this year. please prove to me that you remember. that you care. i guess maybe if you don't maybe that really shows that you don't care. i don't want anything other than you to talk to me. yea i could ask for so much but you know what? i hate money and i hate what it can buy. i don't want "stuff:" i want things that money can't buy. i want your friendship. to spend time with you. to know you care and that i mean something to you. i wish it didn't have to come down to my birthday to show that to me but if you want to know what i want. that is it.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-5371051938347789942012-01-30T13:52:00.000-06:002012-01-30T13:52:01.229-06:00i guess i should just accept that you don't care at all. that you don't want to be in my life at all. that you just said stuff to me. i am tired of empty words. i am tired of getting my hopes up and thinking that you will be there for me like i have been for you. when i have needed you, you weren't there. everyone has disappeared on me and maybe it is time for me to just disappear. to just go and see who cares enough to try and find me. i guess it is time to see who really cares. to see who is going to step up and show me. i have showed you now it is my turn. that probably sounds selfish but i am tired of always giving and giving and now that i got nothing left, what else am i suppose to do? i got nothing left to give. just me. i feel so worthless because i got nothing. i work my ass off trying to save up my money again and to get through school and everything else that everyone throws at me but i feel like i am getting no where and no one here to push me up when i have fallen so far. i have hit rock bottom and no one cares. i cry myself to sleep and i hate it.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-32893366447857364712012-01-02T12:59:00.000-06:002012-01-02T12:59:02.400-06:00i guess since i got nothing left give you, there is nothing left for you to take from me, you just drop me. i guess that is all you ever wanted from me is money and for me to do things for you. i guess i never really meant anything at all to you. when you meant the world to me. it breaks my heart to see you on facebook and not even respond to me. all i ever wanted was your friendship. to have a spot in your life and i can't even have that. i never expected much. just to talk or text or something once a week or something. but we are going on 2 months now of you not talking to me. you didn't even acknowledge my christmas present or cards or anything. i feel like i have given you everything i have and i get nothing in return. i don't want anything in return. i just want your friendship! something that is free! it may cost nothing but it means everything to me. you have no idea how something so small can mean so much to me. i guess for giving you my all, i just get my heart thrown back at me.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-20402458325122482532012-01-01T16:26:00.002-06:002012-01-02T12:51:03.856-06:00I am sorry I am not good enough for you. Not pretty enough. I have always been me and I don't know what made you change your mind. My heart breaks every day that you don't talk to me. I miss you and I have no idea how to tell you how much you mean to me or even if you will listen.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-38584000725754554682012-01-01T13:05:00.001-06:002012-01-01T13:05:32.931-06:00Happy new year.... I guess. This morning I have been thinking how my life has changed in the past year. It just seems like the bad overshadows the good. I feel like I have lost you. I really miss our friendship. You made me feel so happy. And now I don't even know if you think about me at all. Every day I miss you, I miss how much we use to talk and how good and happy you made me feel. Now I feel like everything has gone wrong. Things are so stressful and it feels 10x worse because you aren't there. To talk to or give me a hug or just anything. I feel so lost and alone. It feels like everyone has disappeared. Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-20272746358813291172011-12-29T11:47:00.000-06:002011-12-29T11:47:40.930-06:00i guess it really says how you feel about me when you totally ignore what i sent you for christmas, totally ignore a christmas card, and don't even bother to send me a stupid text saying merry christmas. i guess i was stupid to think you really cared about me and wanted to be my friend. what gets me is that even through all this, i realize i still love you. and that just makes it hurt worse. that i would do anything in the world for you but you don't give a dam about me. and i hate that i can't do anything about it. everything i had done for you doesn't seem to make a difference. it feels like the past year has meant nothing to you. maybe someday you will tell me where i stand with you because i don't know anymore.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-39982182861825640352011-12-22T19:58:00.000-06:002011-12-22T19:58:11.869-06:00i feel so stupid for thinking you cared. so stupid for giving you my heart. now i cry every night because i have given you everything and i got nothing. all i want is to be a part of your life. i don't want much. just to know that you really care. to talk to you. for you to be there for me. i feel so alone. i feel like everyone is disappearing on me and i can't trust anyone anymore. i cry every night because my heart is breaking. i feel stupid for thinking that someone actually cared. that someone might actually have loved me. now i am alone. and i hate it. do you even think about me anymore? you cross my mind all the time. i miss how we use to talk all the time and i felt like i could tell you anything. now i feel like everything about me is just wrong. that i am stupid and can't do anything right and i just feel so in the way of everyone. i am just so lost. i don't know how long i can do this anymore. i felt so complete with you. now i feel like i am drowning. and no one is there to save me.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-56793144713917214152011-10-30T04:33:00.001-05:002011-10-30T04:33:12.001-05:00What is it about me that makes you not want to talk to me? What did I do wrong? I feel like I have done something so wrong to make you disappear. You don't know that I am hurting inside. I guess it is too much to ask to be remembered. I am sorry for whatever I did. Sorry for being me. Sorry I am not as pretty as she is. Sorry for keeping my word. Being loyal. I am keeping my promises will you?Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-704741845876723782011-09-28T20:07:00.001-05:002012-01-01T16:27:29.836-06:00i sometimes wonder if you ever notice that i don't answer your question about what i am up to. that i just concentrate on you. i wonder if you ever care to really find out. or do you think i don't do anything at all? sometimes i wonder if you ever think about asking again. i never know where to start. do you want to know about work? school? the stress? how i wonder if i can make it through it all? that i wonder if i am good enough for it? good enough for anyone? am i worth it? so many things run through my head i have no idea where to start. in the end it is easier to just concentrate on you. but inside i am dying. from the pressure. the stress. everything. wondering where i stand with you. you use to text me just to say good morning or good night. you use to say that you missed me and thought about me. you don't say that anymore. maybe you still do. maybe you don't. i have no idea and i don't want to lose you. i told you a year ago almost exactly that i loved you. you said it too. but you haven't said it in so long. maybe you just don't. but maybe you do. i hope you do but sometimes i wish i didn't. because then i start to hurt because i don't want to get my hope up. and it just leads to a big cicle of wondering then why you don't talk to me. i don't know. maybe i am just being stupid. or crazy. or both. i am sure whoever is reading this probably thinks i am crazy. i am just confused. left wondering what is going on. i thought things would be so different. i think you did too.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-90057918702870325142011-09-21T19:49:00.000-05:002011-09-21T19:49:44.700-05:00am i even worth it to you anymore? is it just easier to ignore me? why not just tell me you don't even want to be my friend anymore? it would hurt less to hear that than to keep thinking i mean anything to you. maybe it is just a lesson to me to not trust anyone anymore. i have learned an expensive lesson. don't give my heart to anyone. but i have and i can't really take it back. you have it and you probably always will. every guy i think about makes me think of you. it has almost been a month since you last talked to me. i am tired of trying to talk with no response. i don't like being the first one to talk anymore but i feel like you won't talk first. i guess i was stupid to expect that we would stay in contact. remember promising me that i wouldn't be cut off? it feels like i am cut off. i don't expect to talk all the time but what is wrong with wanting to talk or text once a week? i have never wanted anything in return except to stay in contact but you block me on facebook, you don't call me or even text. you never write back. maybe i am trying too hard. maybe i am expecting too much but to just stay in contact somehow doesn't seem like much to ask for. especially for all that i have done. maybe i am just being played. i hate questioning where i stand with people. it has become one of the worst feelings in the world. i would ask what i could change to make it so you would want to talk to me but then i would wonder would i still be me? i don't even know if you think about me at all. do i cross your mind like you do mine? i wonder what i did to make it so that you don't want to talk to me or at least feel that way. i never thought it would be this way. i thought we would see each other more. be able to talk more. just more everything but it is the opposite of what i thought it would be like. i am just more confused than ever. i hate that i feel like i have no one to talk to and that i have to put all this out here because i can't hold it inside any longer. i don't think you will see this either but if you do, call me or text me. tell me where i stand. you told me once that you needed me. is that still true? i need you. even if not, you got a spot still in my heart that no one will ever have.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-55322855505751920182011-09-04T18:23:00.000-05:002011-09-04T18:23:05.079-05:00i wish i could go back to the way things were. where we were so close. that i knew where i stood with you. now i need you the most, you are gone. you only talk to me when you need something from me. i don't mind helping you out. i told you i would always be there for you and i still will. no matter how much i am ignored or hurt. i guess i am like a dog. loyal and will still love the owner no matter how many times they hit them. my mind tells me to let you go and just move on but my heart says no. i have given you stuff some real special stuff that i can never get back and i don't even know if you realize how special that is. maybe i am just not worth it. you use to make me feel so special. i miss what we had. i felt like we were so close. now i am lucky if you talk to me or even think of me when i think of you every day. i have so much i want to say but i hide it inside. i have become so quiet. it hurts. i am just so confused these days and i have no idea if the direction i am taking is right or if i am just blindly making my way through life. i have a feeling that i am not worth much to anyone anymore. sometimes i wonder if i just disappear would anyone notice? maybe i am just a fool. and i am just tired. physically and emotionally. i wish i could talk to you about this but i can't. maybe it is my pride. but i can't talk to anyone else because there is just too much. and too much of it i can't talk about with anyone but you.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6846643.post-76943755487787716812011-07-20T21:30:00.000-05:002011-07-20T21:30:42.225-05:00is it wrong to want to be needed or wanted? to know that you are valued by your friends? to get a simple text saying hi how are you? every once in a while? to know that you are thought of? even if you can't really talk but just have a second to let someone know that you care about them? i have found that i crave these small things that may be annoying to other people but they mean so much to me.Allisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982347209865076035noreply@blogger.com0