February 29, 2012

Why do I keep hoping that you will just even talk to me? I feel so stupid every time I text you and I get no response. What happened to us? I think back to a year ago and how things were so different. It kills me to think how close we were and now... I just don't know. All I ever did was care. And give and give and give. Until I have nothing left. But I feel like I carry the world on my shoulders and you don't seem to care. I have kept my word, when will you?

February 27, 2012

Sometimes I feel like I am just a big joke to everyone. I put my heart out on the line and all I do is get stomped on. Be there and be my friend or show yourself the door. I don't have time for part time friends. My life for the past 2 or so years has been full of people that will just take and take and never give anything back. I am just so tired. Show me your real and it could be the best thing you ever did. I am loyal and I feel like I am special. But everyone just is never there unless they need something. I am tired of that.

February 22, 2012

i guess it is time that i really realize that you don't care about me at all. that i am not even on your list of people to care about. i am dying inside and it hurts so bad because i care a ton about you. even just as friends. i make time for everyone that i care about and you don't even seem to try. it just feels like i am drowning and you are just watching me and not doing a thing. i need a sign that someone out there really cares about me. do you even remember what today was? i guess i am stupid. i can't do this anymore. i hurt inside and i feel like i am screaming inside and i can't do anything about it. i just wish i didn't feel like a big nothing to you.

February 14, 2012

I guess I was stupid to think that you would think about me today. Or even return my happy valentines day text. I guess people really are too busy to send a 2 second text.
I just feel so ignored. Not important enough to even talk to. I might as well be invisible
I need some kind of sign that you still care, still think of me, that I cross your mind at all. Because I do. And I am dying inside at the thought that it was all fake. I want it all to be real. Maybe I will never know. And that is what scares me.

February 10, 2012

I miss your voice
And the way we use to talk
I miss your hugs
And how you believed in me
I miss how you made me feel so much better
And how you listened to what I had to say when no one else did
I hate how we don't talk anymore
And I would give anything to see you again
But most of all
I just miss YOU!!

February 05, 2012

i just wish i could disappear. i am hurting inside and i feel like i got the weight of the world on my shoulders and no one cares at all. when i am crying, i got no one there to talk to. i often wonder if i do just disappear, would anyone come after me? sometimes i just want to go totally off the grid and see if anyone notices. see if anyone cares enough to come look for me. those will be the real friends. do i have any real people in my life or just people that take and take? i don't want anything back except for friendship- real friendship. people that got my back like i do theirs. but i guess that is too much to ask these days. even just a little time of day is too much to ask anyone. but i am always at the bottom of everyone's list if i even make the list.

February 04, 2012

so my birthday is coming up soon. i know that as i get older, it shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. it is my day. are you going to remember it this year? i know everyone is going to forget it this year. please prove to me that you remember. that you care. i guess maybe if you don't maybe that really shows that you don't care. i don't want anything other than you to talk to me. yea i could ask for so much but you know what? i hate money and i hate what it can buy. i don't want "stuff:" i want things that money can't buy. i want your friendship. to spend time with you. to know you care and that i mean something to you. i wish it didn't have to come down to my birthday to show that to me but if you want to know what i want. that is it.